A simple life lived the extraordinary way!!: March 2008

I just reached after a hard day's work... and as I sit in my room... taking stock of my life... in a slow motion... suddenly the mood has changed... as if my most vulnerable self has popped up... trying to pull me into a quick-sandish gloominess. Several questions, several dreams lies in front... but I'm not ready yet to face all of those. Here I'm... many a miles away from my house in Assam... don't know where I would land up tomorrow. As if I'm going insane... but people will point fingers and tsk tsk me b'coz seemingly I've got everything going for myself which many middle class people in India dreams of attaining. A good job, good salary(?) , good career ahead... and maybe a H1 Visa is on its way too... but I'm sure something is missing... something which is minuscule... but quite pivotal to my attaining peace of mind. I am becoming mad perhaps... not that I was much sane before. It's one matter to believe that one's mad, but it's altogether another matter to let people realize that you are really mad. People who were once a part of my life's microcosm haunts me... and at that moment you feel like hurting yourself... gnawing your nails into the face and taking pleasure at the gore. Not knowing the question makes it really difficult to get the answers... and without answers my mind always remains helpless. The Man who knew too much--- and the boy who didn't want to grow up... caught between these two improbabilities mixed with my Capricornian appetite for melancholia has served a very inedible fare for supper... hitting my senses and clouding it like some shots of Vodka. Like Rip Van Winkle my mind is still there in those dusty childhood lanes and the heightened sense nostalgia invariably brings along with it. Why do we lose the things we love the most? Why things happen which doesn't have any valid reason to happen? Why? I try to clinch my fist.. often... sub-consciously trying to stop the flow of time and events. I don't talk much outwardly... to people around... but I talk to myself like an incorrigible wreck... about things which hovers on the insanity zone. Like JD Salinger's Catcher in the Rye... I've got my opinions but they don't make any sense. My alter-egos are clashing every other time... trying to be good, trying to be nasty, trying to be mad, trying to be sane... but I'm still wondering if it's possible to be both at the same time... a good-nasty guy or a sane-mad kinda fellow. I believe in God but I abhor the mere symbolisms associated alongwith it... which are divisive rather than inclusive... but even I know that God doesn't care what I think about him... which doesn't stops me from thinking the way I do...

Can there be a life without dreams?
-A rebel without a cause?
-A heart without a song?
Can a man exist with nothing but HOPE?
Can there be a world without God?
Can Love triumph over Destiny?
Will I be able to convince others for a blind leap of faith?
If I close my eyes will it become darkness all around?
Can I become the thesis n antithesis at the same time?
Can there be a method in my madness?
Can I become truly blessed... by simply refusing to give up on Love?
Can I destroy the things I truly, madly Love in one go?
Will I die or just fade away?
Will I ever get a second chance in Life?
Can I inspire people... long after I am gone?
Will I be able to die without any regrets?
Will I be able to start a revolution without any bloodshed?
Can I turn a seemingly negative-sum to a positive sum game?
Can I savor the journey and not care about reaching the destination?
Can I resurrect a shattered dream... and coax it to dare again?
Will I ever get the courage to walk down the road less traveled?
Will anyone come near my grave with lilies and some silent tears?
Can I transform my name from being a proper noun to an adjective?
Can I sleep when my pen silently weeps?
Will I ever know who am I and what I am going to do with my Life?

-- To sum it up all... I am just ur friendly neighborhood guy... who never gives up on Love, Life and Miracles!!

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My first attempt at humor. Pretty amateur stuff though ;-)